Eight Links
by Yoshia
Summary: The classic semisequel to Link in Lorule! Link finds himself in eight years' worth of overdue rent, and he needs to find a way to pay it back with seven other versions of himself at his side.
1. Deep in Debt

Note: Iwas bored one day when I wrote the original to this fic, which I posted to see what kind of reviews I would get. It turned out to be a success, with nine chapters. This was perhaps my most random script fic. Remember to breathe while reading. I don't wish to pay for someone's hospital bill because he or she laughed too hard. This is also a fic where I try not to harm any Pikachu.

Second Note: It would be best if you had read "Link in Lorule" before this fic. When you do, leave a review, please!

Disclaimer: I _still_ don't own Legend of Zelda and all the rights to it, and I have given up trying. I also don't own Star Fox. Thanks to _Mariogal_ for help with some of the jokes and a bit of the plot in the original, and _Kitaiko_ for being my beta reader.

**Chapter 1 – Deep in Debt**

Link looks about his desolate house, which is devoid of any form of entertainment whatsoever. It's been a while since his adventures to the twisted land of Lorule; how long ago he can't recall. Zelda had prodded him endlessly with questions concerning that country, and now he is sick of hearing the word "Lorule." He is especially tired of hearing "Ganondorf's a hero!" For the moment, however, he needs something to do. Sighing, Link decides on his last resort: he opens the bottle containing everyone's favorite fairy, NAVI!

Immediately upon release, the odd blue pixie zooms into the kitchen, dive-bombing into a random cup of coffee that happens to be there. Fairies are quite small and thus don't need a lot of caffeine to become especially hyper. Navi gulps down the entire batch of coffee in an instant and careens back to Link. Only mid-way to her lifelong companion, she begins talking.

"HI, LINK! I _knew_ you were going to release me someday because you're my best friend and I'm your best friend and we like having adventures together and bashing monsters and doing quests and chasing bad guys and rescuing princesses right Link!"

The tunic-clad Hylian must be pretty desperate to want her company. "Actually, Navi, I-"

"_You love me!_" Link's personal fairy slams into his chest in an attempt to hug him.

He brushes her off with a disgusted look. "No. I was going to say that I am-"

Navi gasps in astonishment. "Link, how could you?"

"Huh?"

"You can't marry Ruto! I was here first; you should be mine!"

Link sighs. "Why is it that every girl I look at ends up liking me?" One of the Kokiri twins appears at Link's window and giggles. He immediately closes the window and pulls down a curtain.

Navi tries to impress Link with her extensive vocabulary. "Because you're so gosh-darned cute."

He raises a blonde eyebrow. "Is that even a word?"

"Let me check!" Happy to be helping her charge, the pixie zooms under the curtain, smashes through the window, and flies away.

Before Link could blink, Mido stomps in, enraged. "You owe me _big time, _freak. You haven't paid rent in eight years!"

"How much?" asks the pointy-eared blonde nonchalantly.

Mido takes out a piece of paper, stares at it a while, and clears his throat. "You owe exactly 102,451,225,612,864,321,684 rupees." He glances at the paper again. "Oh, and one Mushroom coin."

Link simply stares at Mido with wide eyes.

"I expect payment in three days," finishes the childhood bully, who exits the treehouse with an evil cackle.

Navi flies back that instant. "I'm back!"

Link glares at her. "Where have you been?"

"I checked out the ultiimate dictionary from the library." All of that flying has brought Navi's hyperness down to a more tolerable level.

"Hyrule doesn't have a library."

"I know! That's why I flew all the way to Earth!"

"Where's that?"

"How am I supposed to know!"

Link shakes his head. "So where is the dictionary?"

"I lost it in transit," says the fairy matter-of-factly.

Our hero flops down onto his bed and covers his head with a pillow. "I need a friend."

"I'll get you some friends!" volunteers Navi, who zips out through the door.

- - -

Meanwhile, in Gerudo Valley, Ganondorf sits on a windowsill, staring blankly at the Lorulian Sword of Destiny. Ever since that day a month ago, he has been meaning to destroy it for a myriad of reasons (ruining his evil reputation being one), but he cannot bring himself to do so. These days, Ganondorf carries the sword with him everywhere along with his regular ones.

Koume approaches him quietly, noticing that he is examining that sword of his _again._ She comes to one conclusion. "Ganny, you have lost your evil touch."

Wherever Koume is, Kotake is sure to follow. She laughs a little. "I think you're getting a soft spot for the good side."

Ganondorf, shocked by their comments, thrusts the Destiny Sword into the ground, burying its blade in almost completely. "I am not! I will prove it to you by destroying Link once and for all," he snaps as he weaves a spell in the air.

- - -

Link removes the pillow and glances up at his burning roof, which consists of Young Link's room's floor. He places the pillow over his head again. '_Ganondorf thought he could burn me up again. He must be running out of ideas,_' muses the Hylian before a certain guardian fairy returns.

"I've found a whole horde of friends for you, Link!" Navi announces as she drags a net filled with people onto the landing outside Link's door. The captives tumble out and wander around the treehouse.

One of them shakes Link a little. "Hey, get up." The feminine voice jolts the Hylian into sitting upright and looking at the one person he never expects to see again: Linda.

"What are you doing here! I thought you were dead!" Link shouts in confusion.

"I was. Just now I had finally gotten the six goddesses to start talking over tea. Then your blue friend showed up and snatched me away. So... now I'm here," the Lorulian explains.

A Goron with white hair, a green hat, and boots exclaims, "A rock!" He chomps down one of Link's two chairs.

A Zora sits on another chair and plucks at his fishbone guitar. He shifts and adjusts his skirt... err, tunic.

A little wooden fellow with the appearance of a Deku scrub and a large, floppy green hat sits in utter silence at Link's feet.

Fierce Diety stands with sword raised, declaring, "I will destroy everyone!"

Dark Link points his shadowy version of the Master Sword at Fierce Diety. "Not if I can help it, ugly."

"Bring it on!" With that, Oni Link (as he is also known as) leaps at Dark Link and begins dealing out pain.

Young Link steps in from playing outside and cocks his head sideways at all of the commotion. "Why are all these people here, Dad?"

(A/N: The Eight Links, as I prefer to call them, will have their names shortened for easier typing, and less confusion because of the repeated use of "Link". So the Eight are, in order of appearance: Link, Linda, Goron, Zora, Deku, Oni, Dark, and Junior.)

"I... don't know..." Link manages to say.

Goron looks down at Deku. "How are you?"

Deku merely stares back. "..."

"I'm fine, thank you! Want to play a game?"

"..."

"Oh, goody! Let's play chess!"

"..." '_What an idiot.'_

"LINK!" calls Ruto from the doorway, sending the Hero of Time into a panic. "You look so cute as a Zora, honey."

Link glances in Ruto's direction to notice her huggingZora tightly. Her victim appears to be unable to breathe.

"We're gonna get married, and have a hundred kids, and when we're done we can have a hundred more!" Ruto cooes lovingly.

- - -

"Admit it, Ganny, you're through," says one of the two mothers.

Ganondorf starts another spell. "_Never!_"

- - -

Link stares at his non-existant ceiling. "Great. The roof burned down, and now Ganondorf wants to drown me with light rain. What next?"

"Doesn't the rain feel refreshing, my love?" asks Ruto.

Zora tries to peel the girl off of him. "Not when you're around my neck!" he manages to say before her grip cuts off his air supply again.

"Your move," announces Goron.

Deku points at the bed.

"A rock!" shouts Goron happily before he dumps Link off of the bed and eats the wooden part.

Deku moves his bishop across the board to a more strategic position, along with his queen and two knights. He shifts the rooks a little and knocks all of Goron's pieces off the board except for the king. Happy with the new layout, he waits for Goron to return.

"Didja move yet?" Goron asks when he finishes the bed.

Deku reaches over and nudges his rook one square to the side.

Goron stares at it a while, then smiles gleefully. "Checkmate! You're good!"

Dark stands up triumphantly. "I won!"

"No you didn't!" roars Oni before tackling him again.

A cow in the corner moos.

Linda glares at the cow. "Why is it that most random fics have _cows_ somewhere in them?"

Link glances at it. "Oh, Bessie? She was here the whole time."

Junior rubs his stomach. "I'm hungry."

"I'll get you food!" shouts everyone in the house except for Junior, the cow, and Deku. They run out in a frantic dash to feed the youngest Link.

Deku offers Junior a Deku nut.

"Um, thanks?"

The other six come back. Link says, "Here, have a rabbit."

Linda holds up something else. "No, eat this jackalope."

"Jackalopes exist?" wonders Junior.

Dark shows off his prize. "Shadow rabbits are more nutritious than regular rabbits!" He notices Link and Linda glaring at him. "What'd I do?"

Goron drops a rather large boulder onto the floor. "Have a rock."

"Eat fish," Zora suggests, holding out Ruto. Upon noticing her winking at him, he drops her.

Oni storms in and announces, "I brought you food!"

Junior brightens. "Where is it?"

Oni jerks a thumb over his shoulder to the door. "Outside." He pulls the kid by the hand to view a huge dinosaur lying on its side below the ladder. "Have a Tyrannosaurus Rex!"

"I don't think I'm _that_ hungry..."

"What! I went all the way to Dinosaur Planet just for you, hunted down a Red-Eye, wrestled it to the ground, killed it, dragged it all the way back here, and you won't eat it?" He begins ranting about appreciation, not noticing Junior return inside.

With a happy "Moo," the cow holds up a bottle of milk.

"That's better!" Junior takes the bottle and drinks it, wiping his mouth with his arm. "Ahh! Got milk?"

- - -

"You suck, Ganny," points out Koume.

Kotake nods. "Give up."

Ganondorf starts yet another spell. "I have not yet begun to destroy!"

- - -

Link glances at the sky. "Now it's raining harder. I'll catch a cold if this keeps up."

Thunder rolls, lightning flashes, and a bolt snakes down to strike... the cow. One-hit kill!

"Nooooooooo! Bessie!" cries Link in anguish.

Malon runs in and cries over the fried corpse as well. "Mah poor Bessie..."

Link, seeing an opportunity, shouts, "Marry me, Malon!"

The redhead slaps him and runs out, still crying.

Goron proceeds to eat the table.

Zelda enters and uses her most official-sounding tone of voice. "Link, for not paying your rent, you cannot live here any longer. Pack your bags, you're moving to the castle to stay with me."

Link points at her. "This is a set-up, isn't it!"

Mido walks in and crosses his arms. "Set-up or not, you still owe me."


	2. Debt Control

Disclaimer: Guess what? See Chapter 1. I hate writing disclaimers...

**Chapter 2 – Debt Control**

Let's see, last chapter, Link found out that he owed a lot of money to Mido for rent. Zelda showed up and said he is being evicted for not paying up. There are six other Links joining Link and Junior. Yeah, that sums it up pretty well.

Link points an accusing finger at Mido. "You said I had three days to pay the overdue rent! Why do I have to leave now?"

"Oh yeah, I did say that, didn't I?" muses the Kokiri.

Zelda shakes her head. "You had eight years to pay him back already, Link. Three days won't make a difference."

"But I didn't know I owed rent!" Link shouts angrily in response.

Mido quickly snaps, "Well, Kokiri are exempt from it, but you're Hylian and living in Kokiri space. So yes, you have to pay rent! It's a rule we put up."

Link blinks. "Since when?"

Zelda pushes the question aside mentally. "Come on, Link. Pack up. I'm getting you out of here."

"But I'm Link, the Hero of Time, savior of Hyrule and Termina, and defender of waffles!" With that, the green-clad boy strikes a cheesy pose.

Meanwhile, Dark and Oni are still fighting. Dark has found himself some strong rope, which he uses to tie up Oni. Standing triumphantly with one foot on Oni's chest, Dark announces proudly, "HA! Now I win!"

Goron is still on a rampage, eating everything he sees. He says yet again "A rock!" before munching on a Deku stick. Zora shakes his head when he sees this.

"Geez, you ate everything except-"

"A rock!" The Goron downs the kitchen sink.

"Nevermind."

Link tries to ignore the chaos occuring behind him as he faces the princess and Kokiri standing before the doorway. "Zelda, give me three days. I'll pay Mido back by then."

Zelda considers it, mentally calculates the odds against Link coming up with that kind of money, and agrees. "Fine. You have a deal. I will be back in three days to pick you up." She leaves, dragging the protesting kid behind her.

Link smirks after them, then turns to the other seven versions of himself behind him. "Let's go, guys!"

Linda clears her throat.

"...and girl."

- - -

Outside of Gerudo Valley, Linda rides Tipona, her stolen white-and-brown stallion, up to the entrance. She glances back to ensure that a certain rocky tag-along is still following. He rolls up next to Tipona and uncurls, looking about and scratching his head. He asks in confusion, "So where are we?"

Linda sighs at the question. "We are at the entrance to Sheikah- no, Gerudo Valley."

"Why?"

"Because Link said that we should split up into four groups of two, and head off in different directions. You and I were sent here."

"Why?"

"Because I can relate to the Gerudo."

"Why?"

"Because I was raised as a Lorulian Sheikah, which is equivalent to the Hylian Gerudo."

"Why?"

A stress mark appears on Linda's forehead. "Because the goddesses say so."

"Why?"

"_How am I supposed to know_?"

Goron snaps his fingers. "Ohhhh, I get it! You're a girl!"

"..." Disgusted, Linda spurs her horse into a gallop, crossing the bridge and coming upon Gerudo Fortress. Goron keeps up easily. Immediately, the two are seen by the Gerudo guards, who surround them both.

A random guard asks, "What are you two boys doing here?"

"I'm a girl," informs Linda.

A different guard chuckles. "Don't look like it."

"Oh please, are you all blind? It's obvious that I'm a-" Linda glances down and notices that she is wearing her magic-laced Kokiri tunic. The spell still makes her take on a masculine appearance. "Oops."

Linda and Goron are seized and thrown into a Gerudo cell (the same in which you land when caught), while Tipona is confiscated and declared Gerudo property. Linda checks her own magical, invisible item pouch for a specific weapon. Not finding what she is looking for, she sits down in front of the wall opposite the lone window. Leaning back, Linda stares out the window.

"I don't have my Longshot. Now how are we going to get out of here?" she muses out loud.

Goron, feeling quite hungry, looks about for a suitable meal. With his usual cry of "A rock!" he begins eating the wall of the room.

Linda is about to comment on the fact that there is nothing to eat within the cell except for herself when she notices exactly what her partner is doing. "You're a genius!"

Goron glances at her, pausing in his consumption of the wall. "I am?"

Linda jumps up excitedly. "Don't stop now! Eat your heart out!"

"I don't think my heart would be very tasty..."

"No, you dimwit! Eat the wall!"

"Ok!"

- - -

Ten minutes later, Goron sits on the other side of a rather large hole. He burps contently, then makes an astonishing observation. "I'm still hungry."

Linda nocks an arrow, leaps out of the hole, and rapidly stuns each of the guards one by one. In the midst of admiring her archery skills, she receives a sudden thought. "How the (beep) are we going to raise enough money here?"

Goron covers his mouth in genuine shock. "Oooh, you said a bad word!"

Linda chooses not to reply to that comment and walks swiftly into Gerudo Fortress. She glances down at her green tunic. "I need to find a change of clothes."

Goron follows the girl-boy-thing as she (he?) peeks around a corner and hits an invisible enemy with an arrow. Maybe he should tell him/her that s/he needs to see a psy... psy... He scratches his head. The thought leaves Goron's mind when he spots something delicious-looking. "A rock!"

Linda spins around, horrified by the sight of Goron chewing loudly on a crate. "Shhh!"

"A little on the crunchy side, but it'll do."

A nearby Gerudo guard alerts others to the noise. They capture the two intruders once again.

- - -

Within the confines of the cell again, Linda examines the repaired hole in the wall. It has been boarded up, so she points at a different section of the wall and asks, "Do you want another rock?"

Goron burps loudly before answering, "Nah, I'm full now." He burps again.

"_What?_" Linda, in an attempt to release her frustration and anger, punches her partner hard. She hears a distinctive crack, and pain shoots up her arm. Linda cries out in pain and examines her hand. She looks at the boards blocking the previous exit.

'_Oh, great. I could've used a fire arrow on that wood. Now that I've broken my hand, I can't shoot an arrow_.' With that thought in mind, she sits in a corner and slowly descends into the realm of sleep.

- - -

A half hour later, Goron hears his stomach growl. "I'm hungry..." he says as he rubs his midsection. Staring at the wall, he decides that it is a tasty enough meal. "A rock!" Goron shouts in delight as he begins devouring the walls.

- - -

An hour passes by somewhat uneventfully, and Linda awakens. She glances about and realizes that the cell has disappeared. Three of the four walls have been completely consumed by something... or someone. The next thing she observes is the fact that the Gerudo guards are unconcious. They are lying flat on the ground, as if rolled over-

"Are you a girl?" a voice asks out of nowhere.

Linda stands, amazed by the idea that one Goron could eat so much. "Of course I am."

"Oh, just checking, 'cause you don't look like one."

The Lorulian walks back into the fortress, again followed by her partner in crime. The latter eventually gives up being a follower and turns into a room that just so happens to be there. Linda checks over her shoulder, notes that he is not directly behind her, and calls out, "Hey! Get back here! We need to find the treasure room."

"Ooh, purdy."

"Hm?" Curious, Linda backtracks until she locates Goron in a room filled with spare Gerudo outfits. He is holding one up, admiring it. "Finally you do something right," she mutters as she snatches one and moves into another room to change.

Goron puts down his prize when his mind alerts him to a certain rare condition called 'thirsty.' He spots a nearby tub filled with some sort of liquid. It tastes funny going down his throat, but it will do.

Linda emerges from her makeshift changing room in standard Gerudo clothing. She smirks and says, "Not bad, huh?"

Goron hiccups as he answers. "Hey, you're (hiccup) pretty!" He hiccups again.

"Thanks."

"Really pretty." With another hiccup, Goron begins approaching Linda slowly and unsteadily, arms raised up as if ready to embrace her.

Linda backs up, unsure of what he is doing, despite him being a Goron. "Eep. Back, back you perverted rock!"

"I dun wanna..." Goron hiccups yet again, but this time, a bubble pops out of his mouth. He has drunk soap water... not what you might have been thinking. Bad readers!

If you have read _Link in Lorule_ before this fic, as you should have done, you would remember me discussing the fact that Hylians have the same fight-or-flight response as human beings in Chapter 15. Of course, unwilling to be outdone, the three Lorulian goddesses have bestowed the instinct to Lorulians as well. This means that Linda, now clearly frightened by a living rock monster, is immediately told to either battle or run for her life. A tiny fragment of rationality reminds her that she has a broken hand. This would normally mean nothing to the female version of our hero, but in this case, it means quite a lot. Thus, she makes a simple decision and acts upon it: Linda turns chicken and hightails out of the room.

Goron, who has been running on instinct almost the entire time anyway, curls up into a ball and rolls after her, crashing into things recklessly along the way. He even smashes some Gerudo guards without a second thought.

Linda is now desperate for an escape. She turns a corner, turns again into a room, trips, and falls into an enormous pile of gems. Linda stares for a few seconds at one of them until a certain concept finally clicks. '_I landed in a room piled high with rupees... I am filthy rich_!'

"A rock!"

Linda, recognizing that distinctive shout, spins to see its owner about to eat a silver rupee. She snatches it away from him at the last second. "You can't eat that! Do you know how much this is worth?"

"Not enough to pay for the damage you two have caused," says a third person, who is standing at the doorway. He steps into the room. "I don't like trespassers. Do you know what we do with trespassers?"

Linda snaps an automatic answer. "Of course I do. I kill them on the spot."

"I like that attitude... maybe I can let you go for now. But only if you will do me a little favor."

"I don't do favors for you!"

"But I am not like my counterpart. I am better than he is, infinitely better. Besides, I have killed you once. I can kill you again."

Goron blinks. "Oh, hi, Ganondorf!" he greets the Gerudo.

Linda presses on, unaffected by Goron's interruption. "What kind of favor?"

"I do not know yet. But I will call for you when I think of something. Leave, and take the idiot with you. I have enough stupidity to go around from my mothers," Ganondorf says with a smirk.

Linda smirks as well. "I'll leave, and promise to do the favor, on one condition."

Ganondorf blinks. "Don't you think I should be the one setting the terms of this agreement?"

"I want you to give me all this." Linda waves her good hand about, indicating the rupees filling the chamber. "Hand it over and I'll agree to do something in return."

"If I give you everything in here, I will have to demand quite a bit of servitude from you. All this took years to find and stash away."

"Deal. I'll pay you back later for these rupees. Hey, maybe you want a free slave?" Linda points at Goron.

"Forget it. Take him away with this horde. This isn't all we have, of course."

"What kind of an idiot puts all the treasure in one room?"

"My mothers' kind." Ganondorf leaves Linda and Goron behind, instructing a nearby Gerudo to do whatever Linda tells her to concerning the money.

The Lorulian forms a plan, relays it to the Gerudo, and drags Goron out. She then liberates Tipona the fun –yet illegal- way and races away from the fortress. Goron follows as usual.

Linda rides out over a wooden plank that sits over a shallow pool of water. When Goron attempts to cross as well, the wood breaks, dumping him down into the water.

"Help! I can't swim!" Goron shouts helplessly as he splashes, not registering the fact that the liquid is only a few inches deep.

"Stay there," Linda commands him as she spurs Tipona into a gallop towards LonLon Ranch, the place Link designated earlier as a rendezvous point.

- - -

Note:I have changed this chapter quite a bit, especially the end. I thought it would be more interesting if Ganondorf arrived on the scene. Not as super-funny as the original, but it has enough plot development to last until next chapter... whenever that will come.


	3. Dark Link's Revenge

Note: There were lots of authors making an appearance in this chapter, but I cut them out to avoid the authorities. Sorry guys!

Second Note: I've rewritten _lots _of stuff (nearly everything in this chapter) to cut out my OC Saria (aka Sasha... heh heh), who originally had psychic powers but now doesn't have them anymore.

Third Note: This chapter was originally Deku and Zora's chapter, but I'm having problems with that, so I decided to go ahead to the next one.

Disclaimer: Go back to Ch1 if you must see it!

**Chapter 3 – Dark Link's Revenge**

"You failed, Ganny. You also made a deal with the enemy. What is rule number one?" Kotake asks her adopted son sternly.

"Never stoop down to the enemy's level?" Ganondorf guesses. They always change what 'rule number one' is, so there is no way he can properly answer the question.

"Hey, he got it right, sis! Maybe there's hope for him after all!" cries Koume happily.

"You make me sound like a miserable failure. I'll kill Link this time, I swear! First, I need divine guidance."

"Din?" the two witches chorus.

"Nope! I will ask..." Here, Ganondorf pauses, trying to be dramatic. "The author!" Lightning snakes across the background and thunder rolls. Unfortunately, there were no windows nearby, so the pictures hanging on the wall catch fire. A few minions run over to put it out.

And by the way, Ganny, I'm an _authoress._

"Whatever! Send me something to obliterate Link with once and for all!"

Say the magic word.

"Pwease?" A large, extra-heavy book drops on his head, causing him to fall flat on his face with the metal-encased volume weighing down his back. Ganondorf groans and pushes it off. "Thanks for nothing."

You're very welcome.

Ganondorf wrenches the lock on the book off and opens it. He stares at it for a while, then smiles wickedly. "Brilliant idea! I should've thought of it in the first place!"

Koume peeps over his shoulder. "Do you even know what that says?"

"Not a clue."

Kotake looks over the other shoulder. "Illiterate as usual. That thing's written in plain English! All you can read is cryptic Hylian like a normal sorcerer."

"Shut up and tell me what it says!"

Koume hums thoughtfully. "This sounds like a very good plan. But who would fit the role of an old minion who left for good?"

Both of the witches think together. This does not bode well, for the old saying that two heads are better than one is the exact opposite for them.

Ganondorf grins at them evilly. "I have an idea."

-

Dark twirls his sword a little, sauntering along the grassy Hylian field. "I don't see the point of going north to the marketplace," he says.

"Trust me, DL, we'll make loads of money there!" assures his Light counterpart.

"Link... don't call me DL. It's demeaning."

"Alright, DL. I'll quit calling you DL now! Are you sure you want me to stop saying DL? I mean, DL is a really cool-sounding nickname and all..." rambles Link nonstop.

Dark growls and shoves Link. "You're doing that on purpose, aren't you?"

"Of course!" affirms the Hero of Time.

They stroll into the ever bustling market side by side, looking as if they are twins, but with one being pitch black. Suddenly, something deep in the recesses of Dark's brain begins to reawaken. He blinks, then slows down. He glares at Link, who keeps walking at the same speed, and remembers the defeat at the Water Temple. Revenge would be sweet... and if he killed Link, then that would fulfill his debt to Ganondorf for creating him. And with Link out of the way, Ganondorf can rule. Seeing as how he will be the one removing the menace, Dark may be able to manipulate himself into a high position.

The old blind loyalty to the King of Evil alone engulfs Dark's thoughts. He wastes no time in snatching Link by the back of his tunic and throwing him into an apple stand.

"DL! What was that for?" shouts Link, who gets up from the broken stand easily.

(This little fight was written for me by _Kitaiko_... yes, I have to depend on others for my fights. Pitiful, isn't it?)

Dark doesn't care one way or another if Link understands his reasoning. The revenge, the sweet revenge is all that is on his mind. Link will die – he had to – or else Dark will never be able to live up to the glory he so desperately wants.

"Do you remember the Water Temple, Link?" Dark asks as he draws his sword and advances towards Link. "About the defeat I suffered at your hands? I'm sure you do, and if you don't, then don't bother to remember." He thrusts the sword point right up to Link's chest, letting the point rip through the tunic slowly until it touches his bare skin. "Because I'm going to rewrite that part of history, and this time, you'll be the one who suffers the agony of defeat!"

Link isn't sure what to make of the change in his friend. Hadn't he gotten over the Water Temple a _long _time ago? It doesn't matter though, for he doesn't exactly have much time to think about it as Dark draws back his sword again and thrusts forward.

Quickly, Link grabs his shield and parries the blow, coming up from behind with a strike of his own. It would have been a direct hit on Dark's neck if he hadn't rolled under Link's legs and popped up on the other side, his own shield drawn now too.

"Dark! Why are you doing this! This is crazy! I mean seriously, crazier than normal!" Link shouts in anguish as he successfully avoids another thrust from Dark's blade.

Dark stops his assault for a moment to think over this. It doesn't make much sense if he actually stops to think about what he is doing. He is fighting somebody that is currently his friend, and his enemy only one time. Suddenly, a rush of realization hits Dark, and he drops his weapons, grabbing his head in pain almost.

"Leave me alone!" Link's dark counterpart shouts up into the sky. "I'm not your slave anymore! No more! Just leave me alone!"

Before Link can figure out what this strange sight is all about, Dark becomes composed again. The warrior takes up his shield and sword once more, and smirks menacingly at Link. The real Dark seems to have lost that small inner battle, and it doesn't look like he is coming back.

"Sorry for the little show. Now it's time to get to real business. I'm sick of playing games," Dark says slowly as he disappears into the shadows of the bowling alley building.

Link looks around frantically for his foe, but can only see the shadows in which he has disappeared. Everywhere his eyes turn, there is no result, just those dark, dark shadows.

Suddenly, the young Hylian is hit with an idea. The shadows, the darkness. Is that not what Dark is? A shadow of the living, something that can be easily seen with…

"It ends here Dark!" Link shouts as he pulls an arrow out from his quiver. He knocks it back, and at that moment it bursts forth with the light energy that Zelda had bestowed upon him so long ago.

When Link releases the arrow, it shoots through the market at an increadible rate, hitting straight into the shadows of the building, illuminating every inch of it. And not only that, but it has pinned a certain swordsman by the name of Dark to the wall.

"Just try and kill me, I dare you! Just try it!" Dark shouts as Link dashes forward. Link just laughs and pulls back his sword so it is aligned exactly with Dark's neck. He has had enough of seeing this shadowy look-alike and dealing with his interference. That time in the Water Temple was bad enough.

"You're going to wish you never said those words," the Hero of Time taunts as he strikes forward, only to stop in his tracks by a sound he never expects to hear in a moment such as this.

"Link! That's enough!" Zelda's voice rings through the marketplace, stopping the two combatants in action.

(Okay, enough fighting... back to the humor! Thank you, Kitaiko.)

The princess steps towards the two, raising an eyebrow at Dark. "Aren't you dead?"

Dark looks completely relaxed. "Nuh-uh. I was only defeated at the Water Temple... and for punishment, Ganondorf sealed me in that temple. Then Link's weird fairy brought me to his house." He gestures at Link.

Zelda shifts her gaze to Link. "Oh yeah, the house party you were throwing when I came in. He was there too?"

Link nods. "Unfortunately."

"_What is that supposed to mean?_" shouts Dark. He grabs at the Light Arrow still pinning him to the wall, then yelps "Ow!" and pulls his hand away. "Stupid light magic."

Zelda jerks the arrow out of the wall herself. "Come on. Let's have dinner."

Link blinks at the strange offer. 'Something's up. I don't like it.' He nods slightly. "I guess we can take a break."

-

The two old hags rub their heads, acting as if they have just received the biggest migraine in the world. Actually, that might as well be an accurate statement.

"Did it work?" Ganondorf asks eagerly. "Did that pitiful excuse for a clone actually kill Link?"

Koume shakes her head. "It was going fine, but then..."

"That green-clad boy, he..." Kotake jumps in.

"Shot that arrow..."

"The one full of light."

"It broke our hold on him."

"Now we have lost him completely."

"The last little shred of obedience we enhanced..."

"It has been eradicated."

Ganondorf stares at them in disbelief then shakes his head. Of course they didn't do the job properly. They _are_ his mentally disabled adopted mothers, after all.

-

In the castle, Zelda sits on one end of her extremely long royal table, and the two dirty peasants dressed in green and black sit on the other end. At first Link and Dark fought for the seat at the end, but Link won because Zelda said so. When food is brought out, Dark immediately dives for the meal, wolfing it down without a second thought to etiquette. Zelda eats daintily in a manner befitting her princess status, while Link stares at his plate. Finally, the Hero of Time decides enough is enough.

"Hurry up and _talk_, Zelda!" he shouts, slamming his fist down hard enough to rattle his plate. The shockwaves from his fist doesn't make it even halfway down the table, so it doesn't affect Zelda's meal in any way.

Dark, finishing his plate, snatches Link's and continues his food fest without asking. "You're missin' out, boy!"

Zelda, in response to Link's demand, calmly puts down her fork, picks up a napkin, dabs at her lips, folds it, places it carefully onto the table, folds her hands-

"Quit stalling, Zelda! What do you want?" Link yells impatiently.

"You do not need to shout, Link," Zelda says without raising her voice at all.

"What?" shout both Dark and Link, who turn to look at her.

"YOU DON'T NEED TO SHOUT!"

"Oh." Dark shrugs. "At least we don't use the Caps Lock."

Zelda glares down the table at her two subjects. She mentally reminds herself that this is business; staring down another person doesn't help. She clears her throat and begins. "I am the princess, correct?"

Link bellows, "Get to the point!"

"Patience, Link. Since I have supreme authority over all of Hyrule, I can order Mido to waive your debt. If he demands compensation, I can pay him. I am very rich after all."

"There's a catch. I can smell it."

Dark sniffs the air.

High-and-mighty Zelda smiles, using her most attractive smile. "Marry me, Link."

"Aww, isn't that sweet?" Dark comments. "The girl is asking the guy to marry her."

Go women's rights! This may not seem strange to us, but back then, in medieval Hyrule, chivalry is law. On top of that, men dominate – despite Zelda's position as head of the kingdom.

"Not this again! I've told you a thousand times, Zelda, no! I will not marry anyone! I haven't found any girl good enough, and you are definitely not good enough!" Link shouts, standing up from his chair so suddenly that it falls over.

Dark looks up from the stolen now-empty plate and smirks. "You can always marry me, princess," he offers.

As an answer, Zelda has both Links thrown out of her castle. She looks out from a window. "You won't be able to get out of it much longer anyway. When the three days are up, you won't be able to pay, so you will come move in with me!" She cackles insanely, then halts. "Did I do that?"

-

"Ganny, we are _this_ close to grounding you," threatens Kotake, holding two fingers a centimeter apart. She looks very rediculous with an ice bag on her head. Honestly, she doesn't need one. She has a natural one for hair!

"You had better set things straight pretty quick, or else," Koume warns her son. She changes her own ice bag frequently, for the ice melts far too quickly when placed near to the flames making up her hair.

Ganondorf pleads, "I can rain fire on him! Really I can! Give me a second chance, please?"

Koume looks at him sternly. "I dunno. What do you think, Kotake?"

"He's tried that fire rain spell twice before without success," Kotake answers.

"Link is out in the open now; I'm sure I can get him this time!" Ganondorf interjects on his behalf.

"Fine, go ahead," say the two witches simultaneously, as is their habit.

-

"Dark, why did you go beserk back there in the marketplace?" asks Link, hoping that mentioning it will not cause another episode.

Dark shrugs and intertwines his fingers behind his head, creating a cradle to rest his head backwards onto. He looks up at the sky. "Ganondorf was taking over again. I used to be blindly loyal to him when I was first created. Then as time went by, my way of thinking began to change. I realized that doing whatever Ganondorf says doesn't matter after all. Eventually, I became free from his control. In the market, I noticed that I wasn't as free as I thought. Ganondorf was manipulating my mind and my thoughts, making me his zombie slave again."

"Then why aren't you attacking me again?" Link inquires.

"I think that Light Arrow did the trick. It's close proximity to me must have severed the dark magic being used to control me."

"I guess so... Ouch!" The courageous hero rubs the top of his head, glaring down at the stone that has just hit him there. "What the? A red rupee?"

Dark reaches down and snatches it up. "Why did this thing fall on your head?"

"Ow!" Link rubs his head some more as he picks up something else. "Maybe the same reason this blue rupee did?"

Suddenly, the heavens open up and pour countless red, silver, and blue rupees onto Link. (I'm feeling patriotic right now.) The overgrown elf wearing a Kokiri tunic becomes buried under a mountain of rupees.

Dark borrows a wheelbarrow and begins scooping the rupees onto it. Villagers pitch in to help, although one in particular – Sakon – runs off with the ones he picks up. Link's head finally emerges from underneath the rupee pile. "We're rich!"

Dark nods enthusiastically. "This should be enough to pay off our share of the rent with plenty left over."

With multiple wheelbarrows filled to capacity, Link and Dark wheel their own wheelbarrows out of the market, followed by the villagers, towards LonLon Ranch.

- - -

Koume and Kotake glare at Ganondorf.

The sorceror attempts to come up with a workable excuse. "Uh... money is the root of all evil?"

- - -

Kiyoshi: I hate QuickEdit. It doesn't allow multiple punctuation anymore! Now there can't even be two exclamation marks next to each other, and a question mark followed by an exclamation mark (often used to show a combination of strong feeling and curiousity) is reduced to the latter punctuation. The only thing allowed are ellipses - the three periods. A warning to fellow authors.


	4. Treasure Hunt

Note: Every chapter's been booted up one, at least until I either find a way to properly revise Ch3 or decide to delete it... despite it being Zora and Deku's chapter.

Second Note: Lots of violence, especially Mido torture. Hey, it's Oni Link... expect it.

Third Note: Because the Lorulian Kokiri feature in this chapter, there will be some cursing. Since this site doesn't allow asterisks, I am forced to replace all curse words with (beep). Figure out for yourself which one goes in the blanks.

Fourth Note: Yes, I know I said this fic's on hiatus, but I finally got my brain working enough to do this chapter. Pray it works for the next one, too.

Disclaimer: Read 'em and weep... at the first chapter. Me no own, me go cry now. Me no own Dr. Mario as well, me go in little closet and bawl eyes out now.

**Chapter 4 – Treasure Hunt**

Fierce Diety, a.k.a. Oni Link, a.k.a. Oni, enters Kokiri Forest, pulling along the tag-along Junior. He halts, feeling the happy and playful attitude permeating every inch of the forest, excluding the area of the Lost Woods. Oni narrows his eyes and growls in response, "This sucks. Let's go find rupees elsewhere."

Junior is not as easily deterred, however. He turns to face Oni. "But there's lots of rupees here," he protests. "You can run around in the grass and find them!"

"I do not plan on wasting my time running around in the grass and looking like a complete idiot," Oni replies gruffly.

"I do that all the time! Does that make me an idiot?"

"...Of course not. That only makes you a kid."

"Okay!" Junior beams at the taller, older person. "Hey, I know! Let's go to the Know-It-All Brothers. They should be able to tell us where to find some rupees."

"Go ahead. I'll watch from here." The youngest Link runs off to the Know-It-All Brothers' house... hut... thing. Something tugs at Oni's tunic, and he looks down to see a little Kokiri girl. "What do you want?"

"Want some cookies?" she asks, holding up a round blackened object that vaguely resembles a cookie.

"What are you, some kind of girl scout? Shoo."

"What's a scout?"

Oni glares at her. When she fails to back down, he changes tactics. "Nevermind. I don't want a cookie. Leave me be."

"Please, mister?"

"No."

"PLEEEEEEEEEASE?" She stares at him with puppy-dog eyes.

"...Fine." He snatches the burnt cookie.

"That'll be twenty rupees."

"_Go away!"_

The little Kokiri girl's eyes water. "You're scary!" she screams as she runs away, crying.

"I'm supposed to be, brat," Oni snaps as he takes a bite out of the cookie. "Hmm, this is pretty good."

Meanwhile, Junior has discovered that the Know-It-All (KIA) Brothers love talking in round robin fashion. The first always starts, followed by the second, then the third, and lastly the fourth. It is fairly simple to follow their conversation... if you understand their reasoning.

"So Link has to pay an overly large debt due the past eight years?" starts KIA 1.

KIA 2 nods thoughtfully. "Strange. Mido never forced us to pay rent."

"And Link _bought_ his house long ago when he discovered he was Hylian," KIA 3 adds.

KIA 4 concludes, "Thus, he is not supposed to be charged for rent."

"Yet again, Mido always did dislike Link," points out KIA 1, restarting the cycle.

KIA 2 muses aloud, "That could be a reason behind his sudden demands, or maybe there's another?"

"The princess, perhaps?" suggests KIA 3.

KIA 4 brightens. "Excellent deduction, brother!"

Junior stares, unable to keep up. "Huh? What's going on?"

"There _is_ a way to pay off Mido," says KIA 1, ignoring Junior's questions.

KIA 2 nods. "The treasure."

"But it is merely a legend!" KIA 3 protests.

"Only because no one knows for sure if it exists. It is said to be across the Lost Woods, in a mirror version of our country."

Junior takes the opportunity to jump into the conversation. "Lorule?"

All four brothers glare at Junior as if a very important meeting has been disrupted by the outburst. They glance at each other afterwards and nod. "Yes, Lorule," they say at the same time, which is a bit more disturbing than hearing Koume and Kotake talk in unison.

"Alright!" Junior leaves the house thing happily, a big smile on his face. _'Finally, I can go see the country Dad's been telling me about!'_

Oni snaps his head up upon seeing out of the corner of his eye the kid coming towards him. He returns his gaze to the humiliation surrounding him. It consists of a group of eternally young Kokiri girls playing ring-around-the-rosie about him. They giggle every time they "fall down," which irritates Oni even more than their happy shouting and smiling.

"Are you having fun, mister?" asks one of the girls. Oni twitches in response.

Junior nearly goes to help Oni, but he is prevented from doing so by Mido. The smug bully smirks and asks, "Where do you think _you're_ going, Link?" It seems he likes to fool himself into thinking Link actually didn't grow older.

Junior tries to sidestep around him. "Move out of the way, retard!"

"What's the matter? Afraid to fight?" sneers Mido, who is flanked by several other Kokiri boys. They cause Junior to back up against the wall of one of the houses. Mido continues to taunt Junior, unaware that Oni has just now noticed him. The much older Link alter-ego breaks the ring of girls surrounding him and barrels towards the group of boys, sword raised high.

(Note: Due to the graphic nature of Mido's punishment as delivered by Oni, I will leave it up to your imagination and fast-forward past the most gruesome part.)

– A few _minutes_ later –

All of the Kokiri, minus one because she is hanging around her forest meadow, watch the spectacle in amazement and shock... well, more shock than amazement, but you understand what I mean. The very badly beaten Mido is flung against a wall, held by the throat by no other than Oni himself. The angry Link holds his sword aloft as if in preparation to run the youngster through. He speaks in a low, menacing growl. "_Never_ try to hurt Junior again... _or else_."

Mido squeaks in a small voice, "Yessir." He turns blue from the lack of oxygen.

"Good." Oni drops him and turns towards Junior. "Are you alright?"

"Uh-huh," the smallest Link answers.

"Heh. Where to?"

"Through the Lost Woods and into Lorule!"

Oni doesn't question Junior's choice of places to go. He picks up the kid and places him on his shoulders, sprinting into the Lost Woods.

A random Kokiri picks up a pay-phone and inserts a green rupee. She dials a string of numbers then says into the phone, "Hello? Dr. Mario?"

A second Kokiri takes up a stick in one hand. "That was cool! Let's fight like that too!" He whacks a third Kokiri.

The latter complains, "Hey, I wasn't ready!" He picks up a stick of his own and begins fighting the second Kokiri.

Another tackles yet another, throwing punches in imitation of Oni. Suddenly, all of the Kokiri begin to fight in some shape or form, and a melee ensues. Saria comes in amongst the chaos and blinks. "What's going on?"

A green pipe pops out of the ground and Dr. Mario jumps out of it. "Wow... this is-a more than expected..." The doctor and Saria both break up the multiple fights.

– In the Lost Woods –

Oni wanders about with no clue as to which way is Lorule. He easily keeps up a steady pace with Junior upon his shoulders. Once, the kid is hit by a tree branch, and Oni swiftly hacks the entire tree into fine sawdust. He continues his journey despite Junior's complaints that he is overreacting until they find the Lorulian Kaepora Gaebora!

"Hoo," the large owl greets.

"Ahh! It's the evil owl!" shouts Junior, who is panicking because he has been preached to by the Hylian counterpart.

Oni raises his sword maliciously. "I'll kill it!" he announces as he slashes upwards towards the bird. Kaepora Gaebora merely flaps his wings and flies out of reach of Fierce Diety. Oni nearly throws his sword at the annoying avian when it flies away. "Come back here!"

The oldest Link (judging by how old all of the others are, Oni's oldest...) runs after Kaepora Gaebora, nearly dropping Junior in the process. Eventually, all three emerge in Lorule's Kokiri Forest.

Oni looks about himself and begins to ask, "What the f-"

Junior claps his hands over Oni's mouth, which he is able to do only because of his position atop the adult's shoulders. "Oni Dad!" he warns.

"What the (beep)?" completes Lorulian Mido, who is also confused.

Junior covers his ears with his hands, leaving Oni free to talk again. "Ahh! Bad words!"

Oni slowly and carefully takes Junior off his shoulders and sets him down onto his feet. He whirls on Mido, who responds, "Who the (beep) are you? And why are you in this da-" He never gets to finish his questions, for he is picked up and thrown up and away. He lands in Saria's lap. "Hi, (beep)."

The woman slaps him. "Shut the (beep) up!"

Oni stalks towards them menacingly. "If I hear anyone curse _one more time_, I'll break a few bones... or more."

"(Beep), you're scary!" shouts Mido. His arm is suddenly twisted behind his back and held near to the breaking point. Obviously, there is a lot of pain involved. "Oh, (beep)!" Oni twists harder, and a crack can be heard. Mido begins to yelp, "Holy sh-" Oni glares, causing Mido to correct himself. "Cow, I think my fu-" Oni twists harder. "Freaking arm is broken!"

Saria stares at the interaction with wide, interested eyes. '_Sweeeeet..._' She waits until Oni is finished teaching Mido how to control his tongue before approaching the Link. "Wow, you're so strong and controlling and kawaii! I love the way you broke Mido's arm," she flirts.

Oni ignores her and watches Junior's every movement, all the way to the kid's entering the house which would normally belong to the Know-It-All Brothers. Instead, in Lorule, it belongs to the Know-Nothing Sisters.

"Hi! We're the Know-Nothing Sisters! I think..." greets KNS 1 – even though I've already told you what they were.

The KNS 2 pokes KNS 3. "Am I a girl?"

"I am not sure myself," answers KNS 3 stupidly.

KNS 4 looks at Junior, noticing him for the first time. "Hey, you look smart."

Junior points at himself. "Me?"

"Yeah, you! Are we girls?"

"...Yes..."

KNS 2 smiles. "Great, I was worried for an hour!"

"What's an hour?" queries KNS 1.

KNS 3 pulls out a silver rupee. "This?"

Junior shakes his head. "No."

"Oh, ok." She tosses it over her shoulder out of a window. Junior dives out of the window after it. He picks up the rupee, then notices Oni running over despite a certain Kokiri girl hanging onto his arm.

"I saw you falling out and..." Oni stops and glares at Saria. He shakes her off. "Are you alright, Junior? ... Where did you get that?"

The younger Link looks at the silver rupee in his hand. "One of the girls in the hut had it."

Oni thinks about it a little, after which he walks into the house.

– A few minutes later –

Oni shouts from inside, "_Geez, you four are the most idiotic and brainless people I have ever met!_" He stalks out, mumbling, "Next to Dark Link."

Junior runs over to him. "Hey, Oni Dad! I was listening to Mido tell me a story about the birds and the bees!" (I know what that means, even though I haven't actually heard the tale myself.)

Oni widens his eyes and stomps over to Mido, breaking his unbroken arm. This causes Mido to curse out of pain, and Oni to break his leg. Mido tries to run away, but the broken leg fails him and causes him to fall to the ground and curse out loud again. Oni breaks the second leg.

"Oni Dad... I think he's learned his lesson by now..." says Junior worriedly.

"Hmph. He'd better." Oni stares at Junior, thinking of how much trouble he'd have to ward off by the time he gets to where the treasure lay.

– An hour later – (Yes, a lot of time goes by in this chapter. Ever noticed?)

"Why are you doing this to me?" whines Junior from within his enclosure.

Oni sighs in frustration. "It is for your own good."

"But I don't like it. It's stuffy in here."

"How is it stuffy if there are bars?"

"Because I'm cramped!"

"Live with it."

"But _Dad_!"

"Pipe down, I'm trying to remember the directions," snaps Oni irritably. He pulls a rope connected to a cage on wheels, inside of which is Junior. No, that's cruel. He carries the cage. Nah, the rope thing is better.

"I can fend for myself," complains Junior.

"In Hyrule. I have no idea what we may run into here in Lorule."

Junior crosses his arms and pouts, despite being bounced every which way by rocks and uneven land. He is pulled up Death – err, Life Mountain and next to a conspicuous cave.

Oni releases his hold on the rope and enters. Inside, he finds loads of rupees being guarded by a sleeping Goron. He thumps the Goron on the head to wake him up.

"Huh?" The rock beast sits up and slowly rubs his head a little. "What was that for?"

"You are sitting in the middle of a cave full of treasure and nobody has done anything about it?" asks Oni in a dangerously calm tone.

The Goron responds by snatching up some of the rupees surrounding him. "They are _my_ pretty rocks! I found them first! _Mine, all mine!_"

Oni rolls his eyes and cracks his knuckles. "Stay outside, Junior," he calls.

"I can't go anywhere in the first place!" shouts back the kid in the cage. Junior plays Solitaire as he hears the telltale sounds of a major beating taking place within the cave. He sighs and asks nobody in particular, "Why does he always have to do things the violent way?"

Oni appears at the entrance of the cave, where he unceremoniously deposits the beaten Goron onto the ground and gives him a swift kick down the mountainside. Junior doesn't look the slightest bit amused. "Oni Dad? How are we going to get all of those rupees back home?"

Oni considers the question for half a second and declares, "I have an idea." He heads for Goron City, where he spots that huge jar that spins around in the center of the area. He chops it in half vertically, and without permission, might I add. Dozens of angry Gorons complain, but Oni ignores them and drags half of the jar out. Put on its side, the piece is filled with all of the rupees it could hold. Oni sets Junior on top of the immense pile.

"Hey, I think I can see Hyrule from up here!" shouts Junior... and he means it, too.

Oni smirks at him. "That's where we'll be headed, son..." he says. Suddenly, he notices a problem. '_How am I going to drag this all the way back to Hyrule?'_

The Gorons have not given up on the busted jar, however. Seeking revenge, they emerge onto the scene, ready for some major (beep)-kicking. Oni gets a different idea than theirs. He smiles wickedly.

– Two minutes later –

Darunia shouts, "Heave!"

"Ho!" respond the other Gorons.

"Heave!"

"Ho!"

"Whatcha call me?" yells one of the Gorons, who punches a second Goron.

"Heave!" continues Darunia, oblivious as always.

"Ho!"

"You said it again!" The Goron punches the second one again.

Oni sits atop the pile of rupees with Junior, looking smug and pleased with himself. Now that he has plenty of slaves to push and pull his treasure home, Oni can relax a bit.

() – () – ()

Note: Goron enslavement is awesome; people should try it sometime. No, not really – slavery is cruel. Anyway, this chap is often my reviewers' favorite for various reasons. Tell me what you liked about it in the review! Next is LonLon Ranch, where you'll finally find out what happened to Zora and Deku.


	5. Zora and Deku

Note: Thanks to Mariogal, my younger sister, for reviving this chapter. I almost left it out. Maybe this breaks the hiatus? Stay tuned and find out.

Disclaimer: Refer to Ch1. I don't own Mushroom Kingdom... Peach or Mario, depending how you look at it, do.

**Chapter 5 – Zora and Deku**

Zora makes his way out of Link's tree house and begins his descent on the ladder. However, he does not get very far down before a Deku version of Link begins pushing him to move faster.

"Hey, stop it!" Zora says as he tries to accommodate both climbing down and not falling off from the interference he is getting.

"…" Deku replies impatiently in his native language. He then forms a big spit bubble and launches it into the overgrown fish's face.

"ARGH!" Zora screams as he lets go of the ladder, grasps his face… and falls onto the ground. A chorus of laughter erupts in the village of children. "That isn't funny, Deku!" Zora shouts as he begins to wipe his face.

"…!" Deku shouts as he jumps off of the balcony, landing square on Zora's stomach. He jumps off of Zora and begins to walk ahead. He looks behind himself to see Zora yelling in pain and cradling his bruised abdomen. "…" Deku says with a smirk (and how he can smirk in the first place is a mystery to me).

Zora gets up from the dirt and makes his way over to the shortest of the group. "Yeah, well, I'm just thankful you're not Goron Link. Be patient next time, okay?"

Deku Link looks up at the guitarist. "…"

"I couldn't agree more. Let's go," Zora commands as he walks out. He makes it to the bridge that leads out of Kokiri Forest with Deku, who has had a mischievous gleam in his eyes for quite a while. Deku suddenly darts from behind Zora and bends down in front of him, thus causing the amphibious fish to trip over the walking plant.

"Hey!" Zora whines while turning to look back at the bent Deku. "That wasn't nice. How do you expect us to work together if you keep-" A sound of wood breaking is heard underneath him. "Uh-oh…" The bridge breaks under Zora, and he goes right on through the newly made hole. Deku looks down at him and begins hollering with laughter.

"Grr… Wait there!" Zora yells. He goes out of the Lost Woods and returns to the bridge. "That's not funny," he says deadpan to the laughing figure. He steps over Deku and the broken part of the bridge and exits the forest, glancing back to see Deku trailing behind. "No more trouble, okay? We're supposed to go to the east side of Hyrule. And that's…" He looks towards the direction of Zora's Domain and immediately shivers. "…To Kakariko Village and Death Mountain! Let's go!" He begins his march to the volcano and immediately trips again. "Alright, you! I want you ahead of me this time so I can keep an eye on you!"

"…" Deku agrees, waddling ahead of Zora. The latter, feeling sure that Deku is unable to trip him, relaxes and starts to enjoy the scenery peacefully…until the mischeivious midget did it again.

"Will you watch where you're going?" Zora yells irritably.

"…" says a sorrowful looking Deku.

"You had BETTER be sorry!"

They begin to go up the steps to Kakariko Village. Halfway up, Deku darts ahead and trips Zora, who falls down the stairs. At the bottom, Zora pushes himself up and glares at the Deku Scrub.

"You're going to regret that!" he yells and shakes his fist. His response was a Deku Scrub's equivalent to a snicker.

Zora Link growls furiously, "Come here!" he threatens as he dashes up the stairs at max Zora speed… which isn't very fast on land, mind you.

"…!" Deku dashes up the steps into Kakariko Village. Zora loses sight of the quickly moving Deku Scrub, so he decides to forget about him. Instead, he decides that the graveyard seems to be a good spot to start looking for rupees. In the meantime, Deku finds himself face to face with the windmill guy.

"…"

The windmill guy looks up from his music box and spots the shortie. "Hello, what can I do for you?"

"…"

"Shy, aren't you?"

"…"

"Come on, I know you can say SOMETHING," the windmill guy says impatiently.

"…" Deku tries.

The windmill guy begins to become insane as he says through his teeth, "Say 'hi,' little thing, or else I'll beat it out of you!"

Deku screeches in terror back in Deku, "…!"

The now deranged windmill guy pulls out his trusty knife from the music box. "C'mere, stupid Scrub!"

As anyone in their right mind would do, Deku Link runs out of there before anything could happen to him. Since there is no Pikachu provided for the entertainment of the Deranged Windmill Guy, he begins stabbing himself.

Deku runs past Anju the cucco caretaker who, in turn, hears the maniacal screams from inside of the windmill. She pulls out a cell phone (courtesy of the Mushroom Kingdom) and begins to frantically call the hospital.

"Hello, Hyrule Town Hospital. What is your emergency?"

"Hi, this is Anju, and, um, the guy in the windmill is doing it again!"

"What? Again? Oh, okay. The ambulance will be right there."

"Oh, and if you don't mind, alert the insane asylum please?"

"Gladly."

() – () – ()

Zora looks about himself inside the graveyard. He reconsiders his decision seeing as rupees were not just lying around waiting to be picked up in this desolate area.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. I mean, why would anyone be in here in the first place?" he mumbles aloud. He sees a lone person standing at a grave. When Zora Link steps closer, he could see that the grave was marked:

"_Here lies Bessie, the greatest bovine to have ever lived._"

"BESSIE! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?" Malon shouts in agony.

Zora Link cocks an eyebrow, "Are you okay?"

"Of course not! Bessie, my best friend, died!"

"Isn't she Link's cow?"

"_BESSIE!_" Malon grabs the tombstone and sobs wildly.

Zora Link begins backing away, "I won't ask…"

Malon's waterworks are cut off when she hears a faint, muffled moo. "Bessie?" She races off into Dampe's shed and in a wink of an eye comes back with a shovel. Zora does his best not to get clobbered with dirt as Malon starts digging like there's no tomorrow.

"Moo."

"I'm coming, Bessie!" She reaches the cow in record time and sees her darling pet stick her head above the ground.

"Moo!"

"BESSIE, YOU'RE ALIVE!" Malon throws her arms around Bessie's neck and thanks the goddesses for her cow being alive and well.

"Moo!" replies the happy bovine.

Zora stares in disgust, turns and exits the graveyard, "I think I should leave…"

() – () – ()

Deku, in his haste to get away, has wandered into the Potion Shop. The guy at the counter looks down at the short Deku scrub. "Hi, little guy. What are you doing here?"

"…" Deku replies.

"Can't you say anything? Most Dekus I know can."

"…" Deku says while shaking his head to relay his message.

"That's too bad. Hey, you know what? That old lady who lives behind this shop might be able to help. Check with her."

Deku Link shrugs and goes out the back way. He walks up the steps and enters that witch's place. You know what I mean. The old, cranky lady with the crooked nose always petting that rabid tabby cat of hers.

"Who might you be? I don't have the greatest eyesight in the world, you know," she says while straining her eyes to see.

Deku sweatdrops and doesn't bother talking.

"Can't you speak? I might have something for you."

Deku thinks in dismay,_ 'Not a find-the-item quest!'_

"Ah-ha! I have the ingredients right here. Stay put and I will whip up something. Here, Killer, watch our guest." The old hag puts down the tabby in front of the counter and turns to whip up the potion.

Deku stares at the tiny cat, who responds with a tremendous roar. Deku jumps back in terror. "Killer" licks his chops and charges at his prey, claws extended, as Deku runs in circles around the shop in a vain attempt to get away from the evil cat. The witch, meanwhile, hums to herself. She mixes something green and something yellow, something blue and something deep crimson. She throws in a few other weird ingredients that do not look very tasty. The witch mixes it all together, pours it in a bottle, then shakes the bottle. She sniffs the nasty concoction, then smiles crookedly.

"It's finished!" she pronounces proudly, after which she begins cackling ominously.

Deku drags his scratched body over to the counter.

"Take this. It will last three days. If you need more, ask me!" She hands the bottle to Deku, cackling some more.

Deku walks out of the shop with the bottled potion in hand. He looks at it suspiciously, then shrugs. He downs it all and hunts for his partner.

() – () – ()

Zora has left the graveyard quickly and has asked the chicken lady whether or not she wanted to help him. She has turned out to be broke, however, so Zora has decided to try his luck at the Shooting Gallery.

Zora looks down at the newly acquired bow he is holding and looks back at the manager. "Do I _have_ to use a bow?"

The burly man stares back at the fish. "That's the rules."

"What's wrong with my fins?"

"You would bust the whole place!"

"Okay… I'll give it a shot." Zora raises the bow and nocks an arrow in place, mumbling under his breath, "I don't think I can do this."

He tries to shoot an arrow but ends up hitting the ceiling. The next three end up in various places in the wall. Another nearly grazes the manager's beard. Eventually, he runs out of arrows without hitting a single rupee.

"Geez, you are a worse shot than I originally thought!" someone calls out from behind.

"Isn't it against some law to insult your customers?" Zora mentions to the manager.

"It wasn't me. It was the midget!" he replies back.

Zora turns around. "What midget?"

"I am _not_ a midget!" Deku yells.

Zora widens his eyes and nearly curses upon seeing his little friend.

"What are you looking at, bub?"

"You're TALKING!"

"Wow, what a discovery! I always talked before, just in Deku language."

"But you…"

Deku cuts him off, "Shut up! I have an idea where we should be looking. Let's go up the mountain."

"Whatever you… ahem… _say_."

An hour later, they are nearly to the top of Death Mountain. Deku looks around impatiently. "Will you hurry up?"

Zora whines his best defense. "It's hot up here, there's no water, _and_ I'm being rolled over by Gorons!"

"Quit yapping and get up here!"

They arrive at Goron City and head into Darunia's room. He's busy eating rocks.

"Doesn't look like a lot of rupees could be found here. Maybe we should leave," Zora suggests.

"Watch the pro!" Deku commands, promptly waddling up to Darunia. "Excuse me, but Link has a little problem..."

Darunia stands up from hearing the news. "BROTHER'S IN TROUBLE? Where's the creep, I'll wring his puny neck!"

Deku sweatdrops from seeing the big guy's reaction. "Actually, Brother Link is in debt and…"

Darunia cuts him off as he sits back down. "Oh, I know exactly what he needs!"

Zora brightens at the thought. "Really?"

Darunia smiles. "Yup!" He places in the waiting fins of Zora a rock.

Zora stares at the lump of cooled magma. He looks back at the mutant stone man and points out, "A rupee would be better."

Darunia considers this and agrees. He pulls out one rupee and places it into Zora's other fin.

Zora cocks an eyebrow and decides to stick to manners. "Uh, thanks?"

Darunia smiles, satisfied he has solved Brother Link's big problem. "No problem! Now move out of my room so I can eat." He pushes them out of the room and locks the door. Deku is furious.

"Only ONE measly rupee? That's the best you can do?" Deku yells at Zora.

Zora shrugs. "That was all he was willing to give."

"You didn't even try asking for more!"

"Geez, what makes you so hateful all of a sudden?"

"How would YOU like being a vertically challenged person who only speaks Deku and is always ignored, kicked about, and manipulated by tall idiots like you? ESPECIALLY being called a kid!"

"Well, aren't you a kid?

Deku stomps his wooden foot. "NO! I'm 30, if you want to know."

Zora stares at his little friend and sweatdrops. "Is that young in Deku years?"

"Let's get moving before you ask more brainless questions."

Yet another hour later, they are walking down the stairs of Kakariko Village.

"HURRY UP! A sloth could walk faster than you!" Deku yells up to Zora.

"Look, I'm severely handicapped due to injuries incurred by impacts with rolling Gorons. Do you mind?"

"Whatever you mean by all that mumbo-jumbo, I don't care. Let's go to Zora's Domain."

"And since when did you become leader?"

"Since the authoress made me leader!" Deku declares proudly.

"The authoress? But since when was our destinies chosen by some girl?"

"Since we were placed into this fanfic, Moron."

"I thought Gorons were Morons…"

"…"

"YOU'RE MUTE AGAIN!" Zora points out.

Deku sweatdrops. "No I'm not. I was just shocked at the low IQ you obviously have."

Zora looked a little hurt. "Hey, is that an insult?"

"Duh. I thought you were the authoress's favorite Link..."

Zora does a cheesy stance. "YUP!"

"Then why are you so DANG STUPID?"

Zora chews on this for a minute as he scratches his head. "'Cause the authoress thinks it's funny?"

Deku slaps his forehead and gives up. "Forget it! I'm going to Zora's Domain with or without ya!"

Ten minutes later, they are going up river to Zora's Domain.

Zora decides he should get back at Deku for all the trouble he has put him though. He looks around for something to hurt him with. Zora spots the river and remembers that Dekus can't swim. When Deku got close to the river, he swiftly kicks him in. Unfortunately, he has forgotten that Dekus can also bounce along the top of the water, which Deku has just now taken advantage of.

"Thanks, good-for-nothing," Deku says on the other side of the river.

Zora Link growls but decides it's best not to say anything.

Another ten minutes later (wow, they take a long time going _anywhere_), the two Links come across the froggies that sing when you play to them. Zora is the first to recognize the familiar amphibians. "Look, frogs!"

Deku, on the other hand, couldn't care less. "Who the-" he starts, but is interrupted.

"No cursing!" Zora scolds.

"Wouldn't it just be censored out?"

"Let's keep this a nice, clean chapter, shall we?"

"(bleep) NO!" Deku yells, hating the idea.

Zora is taken aback. "Since when did a kid curse?"

"I'M NOT A (bleep)ING KID!"

"Great, you polluted this chapter. Bad Deku Scrub!"

"I'll show you bad Scrub!" Deku says as he prepares to shoot a deadly spit bubble. Zora freaks out and runs up the river. Not far behind Deku gives chase.

Yet another ten minutes of chasing later, Zora has finally run up to the waterfall and begins to yell for help. "Help me, somebody! A crazy Deku Scrub is after me!"

Deku laughs evilly and prepares his latest spit bubble intending not to miss.

A Zora, having heard a fellow swimmer's plea for help, splits the waterfall. He gestures for Zora to jump over with a remote in hand. "Come in, quick!"

Zora springs into Zora's Domain, and the other fish-person jabs the red button on the remote control. The waterfall begins to close, but not fast enough. Deku makes one mighty leap and lands inside.

The Zoras stare in astonishment at the huge accomplishment the small Scrub has just now done. Deku, unlike the other two accompanying him, considers it a small feat. "What? It's not like I can't jump."

The random Zora leaves the two alone. They contemplate their next move, because Deku has forgotten he was on a fish-killing spree just a few seconds ago.

"We could always ask for some money from the king," Zora finally comes up with.

"The King of Hyrule is in the castle, idiot," reminds Deku.

"No, not King Nounevasees! King Zora, DUH!"

"How was I supposed to know? Sheesh, Zoras these days..."

"Hey, is that a threat?" Zora asks with a hint of anger in his tone of voice.

"Maybe, maybe not," Deku shoots back.

Zora has put up with enough. He rolls up his non-existent sleeves and warns the tiny Link, "You had better run, shorty, before I catch you..."

Deku knows the amphibian is serious. He backs away nervously. "Come on, Linky! I was only kidding. You know, April Fool's Day?"

"April Fool's Day is past, and you are the biggest fool at last!"

Deku takes this as his cue to run like… Deku.

Meanwhile, at the throne of King Zora, the king decides to have a father-to-daughter talk with the princess, who is sitting cross-legged beside him.

"Ruto, I have come to an important decision!" the monarch begins.

"You will go on a diet permanently?" a hopeful Ruto tries.

"Hmm, never thought of that…"

"You will finally get off the throne?" Ruto tries again.

"Nope. If I do, I'll die."

"Good!" the princess blurts out.

"What did you say, Ruto?" King Zora says, wondering if his hearing is going down the drain.

"I don't know," she says, knowing his IQ level.

"Oh. Anyway, my brilliant idea is that you should get married!"

Ruto sweatdrops. "Duh…"

"You have been too long without a husband, and I just realized that my weight might raise my chances of a heart attack by a little bit."

Ruto crosses her arms and mumbles, "You don't know how much... I am surprised you are still alive..."

"I want to ensure our royal line stays strong, so I shall find a husband for you!"

"I have a suggestion on who, Dad."

"Nonsense, Ruto. I will do the choosing for you."

"WHAT?" Ruto nearly screams.

King Zora scratches his head with his tiny arms, trying to get his memory to work. "I knew who to choose... had some green on him, I think."

Ruto realizes her opportunity, "How about Link?"

"I think that's the guy, but I have to see him to make sure."

Ruto sweatdrops again.

Right at that moment, Deku runs up the steps with Zora close on his leafy tail. Zora, noticing that he is at the royal throne, immediately forgets what he is doing. Ruto looks down to the two visitors and spots Zora. She waves happily at her love and greets him with a big "HI, LINK!"

Zora notices this and thinks to himself, _'Don't gag, whatever you do!'_

The king, also seeing the commotion barge into the throne room, peers at Zora Link. "He has some green... Ruto called him Link... You must be the guy I was looking for!"

Zora's attention is drawn away from the loathing of his life. "Huh?" He looks around. "Who, me?"

"Of course you! I have decided that you are perfect!" the king declares.

Zora smiles sheepishly at the compliment. "Gee, thanks…"

"Perfect to be Ruto's lifelong mate!"

"Yeah, of course I'm perfect to be Ruto's- Waitaminute! Lifelong... mate?" He spits out the words like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

Ruto runs down the throne and hugs Zora Link's neck a bit too tightly.

"ACK! Let go of me, Sushi!" Zora shouts, terrified by the giant fish around his neck.

"Aww, he gave me a nickname and a poem to go with it!" Ruto assumes happily.

"Of course, forcing fellow Zoras into marriage is against our laws. I have yet to see him accept the Zora's Sapphire," the giant blob known as King Zora warns.

"Y-y-yeah, so, uh..." Zora looks at Deku Link. "A little help here?"

Deku has been laughing and pointing at his partner for a while now and is showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. This doesn't leave Zora feeling reassured, so he gulps nervously.

"Lower the stone!" King Zora bellows.

From a mini trap door in the ceiling, the Zora's Sapphire (aka the Zora's Engagement Ring) is lowered carefully in a little glass box.

"I thought you had it," Zora says, looking at the woman latched to his neck.

"After that little fiasco with Lord Jabu-Jabu, Daddy said he should keep it safe," Ruto responds.

The random Zora from before takes the glass box, opens the top, and brings it in front of Zora, who has Ruto still hanging off of his neck. Zora looks around at all of the faces. The king, Ruto, and the random person watch him in anticipation, and Deku Link stares at him with an evil glint in his eye.

"I-I-" Zora starts.

"Yes?" Ruto asks.

Zora looks at Ruto for probably the first time in a while and notices she is fairly pretty as an adult. Zora is about to refuse when Ruto says, "We are going to have one happy, rich family, aren't we?"

Zora nearly falters at the word "rich." He thinks to himself about this. _'Of course. They are the royal family after all. They should have stockpiles of money hidden somewhere. Where did they keep all of those rupees they made from taxing the princess for the use of the river?'_

"Well?" King Zora inquires.

"Well?" Ruto questions.

"Well?" the random Zora urges.

"Whatcha gonna do, boy?" Deku asks with the evil glint still in his eye.

Zora Link glances around again at all of the faces, then at the stone.

() – () – ()

Note: Normally, I'd say this is a cliffhanger, but if you've read this fic the first time, _Minora's Mask,_ or _Life with the Links_, you would know what happened. Or do you?


	6. LonLon Reunion

Note: Each of the four pairs of Links took a different amount of time getting their share of rupees and going to the ranch. They will arrive in a different order.

SecondNote: I'm combining two chapters! Yay me!

Disclaimer: Check out Ch1! I also don't own Mario or anything closely related to him, including Mushroom Kingdom, Yoshi, and Dr. Mario. Poor me.

**Chapter 6 – LonLon Reunion**

The first to arrive at the ranch are Link and Dark with their wheelbarrow full of rupees. Malon greets them. "Hi, Link!"

"Hi," the two answer simultaneously.

Link shoves Dark behind him. "She was talking to me, dummy. Hey, Mal, any place to sleep, since night's coming close?"

"Sure, Link. You can sleep with the cuccos. The black one can go with the cows," Malon instructs.

Dark makes a disgusted noise. "I don't _want_ to sleep with the cows!"

Malon points firmly at the cow barn. "Cows, NOW!"

Dark yelps "Yes ma'am!" as he scrambles for the barn. He settles himself down next to one, immediately naming it. "Looks like it's just you and me, Martha. Wake me up..." He yawns. "...In the morning..." He falls fast asleep, despite the cow's constant mooing.

Malon leads Link to where you find the cuccos and the slumbering Talon. Link shivers at the sight of all the feathery birds. "Can't I sleep elsewhere, Mal? I hate cuccos."

"You can sleep with me," she suggests with a wink.

"My best friends are cuccos! Don't worry about me, the cuccos and I will get along fine! Yup, I'll sleep like a baby with these guys around!" Link stammers suddenly, catching on to Malon's meaning. "Wait, didn't you slap me earlier?"

"I was devastated about Bessie then. I found her, so how about asking again?"

"Well, um, maybe..."

"Great! Get some sleep." Malon bounces up the steps, blowing a kiss in Link's direction. "See you in the morning."

Link shivers again, but this time because of the kind of attention he is getting. "Uh, yeah, see you." He lies in a corner of the room, attempting to catch some Z's, but Talon's snoring coupled with a pesky cucco's clucking and pecking proves this impossible. Link opens an eye and shoves one cucco off of him. "Leave me alone."

The stubborn chicken jumps back on. Link shoves it off again, and it jumps back on with a quick peck just above Link's eye.

"OW! Okay, that's it!" Link begins slashing at cuccos left and right, laughing manaically even when they are chasing him.

() – () – ()

Around midnight...

"Heave!"

"Ho!"

"Will you ever stop!" The offended Goron punches and knocks out the accused one.

"Hold up right here," instructs Oni. He slides off of his high rupee perch and turns, signalling to Junior. The latter slides down and is caught by Oni. The older turns to the leader of the Goron slaves and points eastward. "Take a break. Go to Zora's Domain, over there. You will find plenty of really big fish over there."

"Fish! Let's go, brothers!" calls the Lorulian Darunia. The entire Goron gang stampede towards Zora's Domain, excluding the unconcious one.

Oni holds Junior in his arms and strides into LonLon Ranch, leaving his giant pile of rupees outside. He glances down at the kid and discovers that he is sleeping. This produces a small flicker of a smile on Oni's face. He approaches the cucco area.

"Mwhahahahahaha! _DIE, CUCCO OF DOOM!"_ shouts Link from within. Oni backs away.

"Nevermind. Perhaps the cow stalls..." He enters and sees no one, for Dark blends in with the shadows very easily. He nearly sits down to rest when the door creaks open. "Who's there?"

"(beep), it's musty in here. Smells like (beep)," observes a familiar female voice.

Oni narrows his eyes upon recognizing Saria of Lorule. He double-checks that Junior is firmly asleep before speaking. "What the (beep) do you think you're doing here?"

"Ooh, I love it when you curse! I watched you enslave the (beep) Gorons, and I still admire the way you broke that (beep) Mido's arms and legs! (beep) are you strong! I saw you beat the (beep) out of the Goron and I think you're (beep)ing kawaii!" Saria hugs Oni tightly upon completing her speech.

"Ugh, get off of me, freak!" Oni objects, trying to control his language in case Junior awakens.

"No way, (beep)hole!"

"What did you just call me?"

"(beep)hole! It's my new pet name for you! Isn't it (beep)ing cute?"

Oni twitches and peels Saria off of him. "Go away! Bother some other unlucky freak!"

"But, (beep)hole..."

"Go bother... uh... MIDO!"

"(beep) no! I'd rather stay with my (beep)hole!"

"Oh goddesses, that does _not_ sound right! _Go away, goddess _(beep)_ it!"_ Now freaked out, Oni throws Saria out of LonLon Ranch and scrambles atop Malon's house with Junior. He sits up, cradling Junior in his arms. The kid rests his head on Oni's shoulder. Before Oni could drift off into dreamless slumber, he makes one last comment to himself. "Great. Now I've got a crazy (beep) for a stalker." He falls asleep, despite loud crowing.

"I AM LINK, CUCCO SLAYER!"

A random cucco suggests, "Let's do the chicken dance!"

All of the cuccos do the chicken dance, including Link. Suddenly, an irritated Malon screams, "QUIET DOWN THERE!"

All noises stop until Malon falls asleep. Then the cuccos and Link resume the chicken dance but quieter.

() – () – ()

The next morning, Dark stretches. He's had a pretty good night's sleep, so perhaps the day would be just as nice. He leaves the barn and loses the good mood at the sight of Oni on the roof. "What's he doing up there?"

"Sleeping, of course," Linda replies out of the blue. She rides Tipona through the gate.

"Gah! For the love of Din, don't sneak up on me!"

"I wasn't sneaking up on you..."

"Hey, you know what? You're pretty cute!"

"Oh no, not you too!" says Linda, remembering Goron's strange soap-induced comment. As if on cue, Goron rolls in as well.

"Hey, a rock!" he declares as he picks up a cucco and makes a meal out of it.

"_My cucco! Stay away!_" Link yells, running out into the open wildly.

Linda raises an eyebrow. "Link, are you okay?"

"Cuccos and I will take over the world with the CHICKEN DANCE!"

Goron, Dark, and Link spontaneously begin chicken dancing. Linda rolls her eyes and climbs onto the roof next to Oni. She observes the scene before her, smiling slightly. "So Oni Link's got a soft spot for the kid. How cute. I wish I had a kid."

Oni opens an eye, staring straight at her. "Trust me, they are a pain in the (beep)." He is jolted awake by the insanity before him. Goron is savoring his fourth cucco, Link is attempting to riverdance, and Dark is making fun of Link.

Goron licks his chops. "These delicious rocks taste like chicken."

Link trips and falls flat on his face. When he gets up, he mutters to himself, "Never could get used to this," before attempting it once again.

Dark laughs. "You can't riverdance even if it's the only way you can save Zelda!"

"Oh yeah, smart guy? How about you try?" growls Link.

"Sure." Dark begins riverdancing perfectly without missing a beat. "Try this!"

"How...? Grr!" Link attempts it again, but trips.

Oni's eye twitches. "This is getting rediculous. You, take Junior. I've got a party to crash." He jumps down and promptly pounces on Dark in a sleep-deprived fury. Linda glances at the kid now in her lap, who cuddles up to her.

"Aww..." Linda cooes softly. She keeps an eye on Junior until Oni comes back onto the roof, leaving only Link standing unharmed. "Why didn't you beat up Link?"

"It's fun watching Link fall flat on his face over and over."

Suddenly Saria appears! "Hey, (beep)hole!"

Link ignores her in his everlasting attempt to master riverdancing. Oni and Linda, however, aren't as occupied. Linda yells back at the female Kokiri, "Look who's calling who an (beep)hole, (beep)! Shut the (beep) up!"

"Why don't you come here and make me, (beep)?"

Junior shifts in his sleep and murmurs about bad words. Oni glares at the two bickering women. "Haven't I told you idiots not to curse when the kid's around?"

"Sorry, (beep)hole, I forgot," says Saria with a huge smile.

Malon comes out with a plate of waffles. "Breakfast is ready! Come and get it!"

Link runs over, but the cuccos beat him to the precious waffles. Link could only stare as the chickens gobble up the food. "My... my waffles..."

"Oh, I can cook more for you," Malon reassures him as she reenters her home.

() – () – ()

The cuccos attack and consume the waffles for the fourty-seventh time. All of the Links, sans one, are starving. Goron is content mowing down the grass, thus depriving the horses as well. Junior has awakened by this time, as well. Finally, Zora arrives, his partner in tow. "Hey guys!"

Dark crosses his arms. "What took you and shorty so long?"

"Oh, we had to attend a celebration."

Linda becomes curious. "Tell us about it!"

"Um... Why don't you tell them, Deku?" Zora answers, blushing slightly.

Deku remains silent. Oni huffs a little. "He can't talk, stupid."

Zora is dumbfounded. "He _can_ talk! I'll prove it!" He swiftly kicks Deku, causing the midget to react with a spit bubble. Zora runs, trying to avoid getting wet with spit.

Link shakes his head. "I can't understand them. Why can't they get along?"

"Let's count rupees!" exclaims Junior.

Linda interjects, "My share won't come in until tomorrow morning."

Oni points outside of the gate. "I've got plenty out there."

"There's mine," Link adds, pointing to his large wheelbarrow. "Zelda stole the rest. What about you, Zora guy?"

Zora hesitates slightly. "I never brought it, actually." He gets attacked by a bubble from behind. "That's it! I'm sick and tired of your physical and verbal abuse of me, Deku!"

Junior blinks. "Verbal?"

Deku doesn't answer Zora, so the fish resorts to dragging him to one side, where he asks, "Why don't you speak?"

"Because it's fun making you look like a complete fool in front of everyone else," Deku replies.

"You did already! Will you quit being silent now?"

"Hey, at least I didn't have to make any hard decisions today."

"Are you getting smart with me?"

"It's not hard to do that..."

Zora storms off to rejoin the Links in frustration, while Deku adds, "Stupid Zora."

All of the Links sit about a campfire in the middle of the corral and recount their individual adventures in finding rupees. Deku and Goron do not participate, for the former continues to fake muteness, and the latter continues to satisfy his neverending appetite. He even eats the campfire once. They all agree to continue the meeting the next day – all are tired, especially Link the "cucco slayer."

() – () – ()

The next morning, Linda adds her share of rupees to the growing pile. The only two who have not contributed are Zora and Deku. Dark asks the former, "So when are you going to bring your share of the debt?"

"That's the Deku Scrub's problem, not mine!" Zora outbursts.

Link rolls his eyes. "You know he can't talk..."

Zora addresses his short partner. "Hey, Woody, when are we going to get the rupees?"

"She'll bring them. She promised she would," answers Deku calmly.

Link and Dark are shocked to hear him speak. Link is first to recover. "You can talk?"

Deku would have grinned if he could. "In Hylian? Not for long, but right now I can." A squeal of delight pierces the air, and the Deku princess (from Majora's Mask) appears, giving Deku a big hug. "Hi, honey," greets Deku.

"I gathered the money just like you wanted, hubby!" announces the princess.

Dark looks at Zora questioningly. "What's going on?"

"Oh, did I forget to mention Deku's recent marriage to the princess?"

Link chuckles. "For a while, I thought it was _you_ who got married."

"No. Of course not. I wouldn't marry Ruto even if she was the last fish in Hyrule!"

All of the rupees are piled in the middle of the corral, and Link (with a little help from Goron, who is rewarded with a... cucco) drags over a strange machine. He positions it beside the pile of rupees. "We need to count all of this money by the deadline, so I ordered this weird machine thing from Mushroom Kingdom to do all of the counting for us! We pour all of the rupees here, they come out of here, and the total is displayed here on this LED screen!" Link announces while pointing out the various parts as if he designed the contraption himself.

Junior tilts his head to one side slightly. "What's LED?"

"I haven't the slightest clue!"

Everyone, including Goron, help to shovel all of the rupees into the machine. Everyone except Oni, that is. He sits by and watches. The final total comes out to be 204,810,245,561,286,432,842 rupees. Dark glares at Oni. "Hey, jerk, you could've helped, you know."

"All of that work isn't for _my_ benefit, so why should I waste my time and energy?"

Linda stares at the screen. "Wow, I think that's twice as many rupees as we need..."

Link does the same. "...How'd you know?"

"Nevermind."

Deku chuckles. "All of you lazy slackers actually mustered up that much cash."

"Hey, we _worked_ for those!" Link shouts, offended.

"Yeah, sure. Linda made a deal with your worst enemy, Oni enslaved some Gorons to pull around treasure he happened upon, and rupees fell from the sky and landed in your lap. All I had to do is get married!"

"Just because you have a voice doesn't mean you have to use it all the time."

Linda examines the pile. "Problem."

Link blinks. "What?"

"I RAN OUT OF ROCKS!" screams Goron in horror, since there are no more cuccos nearby.

Junior catches what Linda means. "You still need one mushroom coin."

"Oh. That's no problem. I've got a friend who needs to repay me anyway." Link heads to a pay-phone and uses a rupee to call. "Hello? Mario? You owe me big time, remember?" A muffled yell is emitted from the phone. "Hey, don't panic. Just give me a mushroom coin and we'll call it even." A pause. "I'm sure. Yeah. That's all! One mushroom coin! What part of 'one coin' do you not understand? I know you owe more than that, but give me just one!" Link hangs up the phone.

A few minutes pass and Mario appears riding a Yoshi. "Here, your coin... are you sure you don't want more?"

Link nods and accepts the small payment. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"...But, only one?"

"LEAVE, ALREADY!"

"Whoa!" Mario rides off with Yoshi, and Link adds the coin to the pile.

"There, problem solved."

Goron approaches the pile. "Hey, a shiny rock!"

"No, that's my coin!" Link admonishes as he snatches away the coin.

"Aww, man... shiny rocks are the best..."

() – () – ()

Mido's eyes are as wide as they will ever be at the sight of the money. "Didn't think you'd be able to get enough..."

"And here's your one mushroom coin," Link says smugly, flipping the coin to Mido.

Mido continues to stare, then smiles wickedly. "_I'm rich!_ I'm filthy, stinking rich! Now I won't have to worry about you suckers! I can pay Zelda to make the Forest off-limits for all of you idiots! YES!" He hugs the pile of rupees happily.

Link looks at the rest of his crew. "Let's get him."

Oni shouts, "Me first!"

() – () – ()

Dr. Mario finishes bandaging Mido. "There! Sheesh, a doctor's work is never done."

Mido tries to talk through his body cast. Beside him on a separate bed, of course, is the Lorulian Mido (I'll call him Midas). As Dr. Mario closes the hospital room door, Midas reveals his hidden treasure: a lighter. He sets aflame Mido's bed.

"MMMMMMMMPH!"

() – () – ()

Zora stares at the pile of money, not unlike what Mido has done earlier. "So what are we gonna do with all of this?"

Deku shouts automatically, "PARTY!"

() – () – ()

Note: And that's it. Don't worry, Mido isn't going to burn to death. He needs to be around to torture Link, heh. Two more chapters, and this fic'll be done.


	7. Party!

Note: Hmm, there's not a lot I can resuscitate in this chapter. I'll try. This fic'll have eight chapters, just like there are eight Links! ...Which was how I originally planned it... This might be short, though. And lame. No complaints!

Disclaimer: See Ch1. Randomness ahead, so the scenes keep jumping about a bit. Don't say I didn't warn you.

**Chapter 7 – Party!**

Where did I leave off last chapter? Oh yeah. Deku wants a party. Link decides that a party is a good idea after all, so he spends his money very carelessly. Don't blame him. He never learned how to save... even in Termina, with that weird banker. Link invites people from both Hyrule and Lorule, excepting the Hylian Kokiri. Large amounts of money goes to paying for food, drinks, decorations, etc., and the party is situated in Hyrule Field... somewhere. The festivities begin, and of course, people arrive quickly, including one certain unwanted guest.

"Hi, (bleep)hole!"

Oni jumps at the sound of the Lorulian Saria's voice. He regains his composure almost immediately, hoping that no one has seen his reaction. Turning to Link, he snarls, "Why did you invite that _witch_ to the party?"

Link holds up his hands placatingly. "I didn't."

"Everyone was coming here, so I told myself, 'What the (bleep), I should go too! (bleep)hole will be there!' " Saria explains as she strides to Oni's side.

Oni twitches several times at the hated petname. "Quit calling me that."

"But I like my name for you..."

Suddenly, Ruto appears with her fellow Hylian Zoras! She tackles Zora and asks, "When are we going to marry, Linky?"

Zora nearly freaks out at the idea. "Never, because I refused the stone!"

"No you didn't..."

"All I did was touch it!"

"_Exactly!_"

Lorulian Zoras are not that friendly to their Hylian cousins, so the two groups stay on opposite sides of the party. The Gorons are much nicer, as demonstrated by the conversation between the two Darunias.

"Hello, brother!" begins the Lorulian Darunia.

"Hello, brother!" responds the Hylian Darunia.

"Let's exchange welcome gifts!"

"Sure!" A rock is passed from the Hylian to the Lorulian, the latter of whom stares at the present.

At this awkward moment, Goron Link declares in a loud voice "A rock!" and eats a fellow Goron. Immediately, the remaining Gorons yell "Cannibal!" and evacuate the area, causing an earthquake. Fortunately, no one is hurt by the stampede.

Meanwhile, Deku finds himself without voice – it _has_ been three days since he has sipped the potion. He ventures back to the potion shop lady in Kakariko Village, who is still petting that strange animal of hers.

"Ah, so you're back," greets the witch. "You need more potion, don't you?"

Deku nods enthusiastically.

The woman holds up a bony hand. "Not so fast. This time it comes with a price."

The little Deku scrub makes a questioning noise.

"It will cost you..." Her voice changes dramatically to a deep, evil one. "_Your soul!_"

Deku squeaks in terror and tries to run, but ends up slamming headfirst into the door.

The witch cackles. "Oh, that was a joke. An old lady can have a sense of humor, you know. Here." She holds out a bottle with the same weird concoction from before encased within it. "I whipped it up just now, since I knew you'd be coming back."

As Deku leaves the room, the woman laughs ominously.

() – () – ()

High within the heavens above Hyrule, the six goddesses are not happy.

In fact, they are fighting.

Yep, fighting in such a no-holds-barred way that they quit paying attention to stuff.

Like the weather.

Yep, the weather.

So in other words... the clouds are going haywire. For instance, it begins to snow in Gerudo Valley. They will be surprised when they get home.

Why I mention this is because one particular set of rainclouds meanders over the party and begins to let loose a torrent of rain. This unfortunate circumstance makes a few of the party animals (this term is used loosely) run for shelter; the ones running are the Lorulian Zoras, both groups of Gorons, and the Hylians and Lorulians themselves.

Link and Linda head straight for the corral in LonLon Ranch, taking shelter under the overhang at the far side of the entrance. Goron follows them, having realized that they are far smarter than him and thus would know better where to go.

Oni watches as people scatter. "This is pathetic. It's just a little rain," he snaps to no one in particular. The girl at his elbow squeals with delight.

"Exactly! You are _sooooo_ smart, (bleep)hole!" Saria comments happily.

(bleep)hole... er, I mean Oni then proceeds to yell, "Get away from me! And author, if you corrupt my name one more time, I'll-" A bolt of lightning hits him.

Back at LonLon Ranch, where Link, Linda, and Goron have fled, one particular person isn't very happy.

"You're sitting on my lap."

"Your fraidy-cat of a horse is taking up most of the room! I need to sit _somewhere_."

"Then sit on Goron."

"No way! Your lap's more comfortable."

Link closes his eyes and counts to ten, or as close as he could manage to ten. "Linda, _get off!_" He shoves the woman off of himself and into the rain.

Linda immediately leaps back under the shelter and under Epona. "That wasn't very nice," she says, narrowing her eyes slightly. "No chips for you." She opens a bag of potato chips.

Link is trampled by a certain mutated rock as the creature declares happily, "A rock!" Goron snatches a potato chip right out of Linda's hand and pops it into his mouth. The very next second, he's rolling on Link, clutching his stomach. "Indigestion!"

The Hero of Time manages to get out from under Goron without much damage. "What's wrong with you and rain, Linda?" he demands.

"Hey, I was raised in a desert. I'm not used to it!"

"Yeah, right," Link huffs.

"If you don't mind it so much, why don't _you_ go out there yourself?"

Link gives her an incredulous look. "Are you crazy? This is my best tunic!"

Linda munches on a few chips until Link speaks up again. "Mind sharing?" he asks.

"I just said no," Linda says firmly, turning away from him.

"But... I'm hungry..."

"Nope."

"I'll make Epona sit on you if you don't."

"Give me a break, horses don't like to sit!"

"Epona, _sit_," Link commands. His faithful mare proceeds to do so.

Linda scurries out from under the horse quickly, back onto Link. "That wasn't funny!"

"Chips, or else I'll make Epona kick you next."

Linda reluctantly hands over some potato chips.

"Linda?"

"What?"

"You're on my lap again."

() – () – ()

Back at the main area of the party, Zora scans his surroundings very carefully. He slowly sneaks up to the refreshments, constantly looking about him. He picks up a glass of water – filled by the rain – and takes a sip just as a female Zora tackles him from behind.

"Link!" Ruto cooes, snuggling up to him. "I will stay by your side forever, honey."

Zora sighs and takes another sip of water. "This is a nightmare. Nobody's got problems like me."

Oni could easily object to Zora's statement, but Saria is distracting him, despite the rain.

"Let's dance, (bleep)hole!"

"Go away!" Oni snatches her arms but is dragged despite his grip. "What the-?"

"Yay, dance!" Saria shouts happily, dragging Oni.

The rain subsides, and Goron is taken before the rest of the Gorons. Darunia (the Hylian one, mind you) clears his throat. "For eating a fellow brother, you are sentenced to two days without rocks!"

Goron falls to his knees. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Only two people do not return to the party when the rains leave, but very few people miss them. Guess who.

() – () – ()

Zora hangs onto a stalagmite for dear life. He is being pulled by the legs to the one room he desperately wants to avoid at the moment. Unfortunately, Ruto isn't giving him any choice.

"Daddy's ready to perform the ceremony, pumpkin. All he needs is us to be there!"

Zora sobs, "I dun wanna get married!" His grip on the stalagmite slips a little.

"You accepted the stone, you're getting married to me _now_."

"But all I did was touch it!"

"According to Zora tradition, touching is the same as accepting!"

"What?" Zora lets go of his last lifeline in surprise. He is dragged despite all attempts at escape before King Zora himself.

The King shifts a little on his throne, redistributing his enormous weight. He clears his throat as if to quiet down the many Zora surrounding him even though they are already quiet. "Let the wedding begin. You are now Zora and wife. Kiss the bride."

"What about the 'I do' part?" objects Zora.

"By accepting the stone, you already gave your consent. Welcome to the family, son-in-law!"

Zora makes a tiny noise just before collapsing and falling unconcious.

The king claps his hands. "I guess he couldn't handle the excitement."

() – () – ()

Back at the party, the dancing gets wild and the music grows ever louder (courtesy of a Mushroom Kingdom stereo system), but one person notices something out of place.

"Hey, where's the squirt?" Deku asks out of the blue to Oni.

The older Link takes a quick look around. "Huh? Hey, _where's Junior?_" he shouts, loudly enough to interrupt the entire party.

() – () – ()

Ganny laughs ominously within his home, a castle deep within Lorule. He turns to smile wickedly at his newest prisoner.

"Not again," whines Junior as he eyes Ganny from within a cage, one which reminds him of the cage Oni had put him in a few days before.


	8. Links to the Rescue

Disclaimer: See Ch1, study it, don't bother me about it. _Entiende_?

**Chapter 8 – Links to the Rescue!**

Oni goes on a rampage, tearing up everything in his path in a fit of rage. All of the other Links gather together, and Dark snickers at the destruction. "Boy, he's angry. I wonder where Junior went." He turns around only to smash into a telephone pole that has no reason to be there. "Ow... huh? Hey, paper!"

Linda remarks sarcastically, "Good work, Sherlock. What does it say?"

Dark tugs off the note attached to the pole. "Uh... I can't read."

Deku snatches the note out of the taller man's hand. "Stupid fool, can't do anything right. This says, '_I have in my possession the miniature Hero of Time'..._"

Link shouts in a flash of brilliance, "Young Link!"

"Hush, imbecile! I'm reading! '_If you wish for me to release him, Linda must come to GoGo Ranch of Lorule alone._'"

Linda shakes her head rapidly. "I'm not going there! I'm not gonna get branded!"

Deku lowers the note he is reading. "It's signed by Ganondorf."

"I'll kill the (beeeeeeeeep)!" Oni declares, stopping right by the group of Links, and using the foulest of language.

Saria sighs in admiration. "Isn't he so cute when he's mad?"

Linda eyes her angrily, then turns towards Oni. "It must be Lorule's Ganondorf. He and I were enemies as far back as I remember."

-Quick Flashback!-

Little Linda whacks baby Ganny on the head with a rattle. Linda points and laughs as Ganny cries.

-End Flashback-

Zora walks in with Ruto holding on tightly to his arm, virtually cutting off circulation. "Did I miss anything?"

Oni growls, brandishing his sword. "Junior's been kidnapped, and I'm going to get him back!" He runs towards Lorule at top speed, sword held high. The other six follow and attempt to catch up.

() – () – ()

Young Link, or Junior as he is also affectionately known as, sits in the corner of his cage. The enclosure has been placed within a dungeon of some sort without very much care for anyone's health or safety. Junior stares at a wall where mold has been growing for a few years, and water continues to trickle down it in a twisted way.

"Hey, kid! Over here!" whispers a voice. Junior turns to look at two old men, one with flaming red hair and the other, ice blue.

"Whoa, you two are ugly. How'd you get down here?"

"Long story, kid. Our adopted son, Ganondorf, was the hero of Lorule. That was what we expected him to be, of course," begins the fire-topped one, Fuego.

Hielo picks the story up. "Then one day, he got thrown into jail for something he didn't do. He didn't complain much but grew tired of the misery and lack of company."

"He did a horrible thing! He broke out and blew up Lorule Castle for revenge!" shouts Fuego.

Hielo nods in agreement. "He's gone mad, I tell ya! He was good but turned evil!"

Junior shakes his head in disbelief. "I'm getting out of here. Dad must be worried about me." He checks that the guard placed in charge is asleep, then picks the lock with his Gilded Sword, which Link has passed down to him. Oddly enough, the lock opens easily, so Junior releases Fuego and Hielo and heads upstairs.

The castle is enormous. Junior travels down a dark and cold hallway quickly, wishing that he has his adoptive father around to help. Link always knows what to do. The ceiling towers high above, and Junior wonders about that. Why does Ganondorf need to have his halls so big?

Something clicks on the floor some distance away. A low growl fills the air behind Junior, sending shivers down his spine. When he turns around, he nearly yelps in surprise. Before him stands a lengendary monster. It is a huge canine with three distinct, snarling, snapping heads. The animal stares straight at Junior with red hungry eyes.

"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" screams Junior as he races down the halls. The three-headed beast gives Junior a little time, since this is too easy, then easily catches up to the tiny fleeing Hylian. He corners the kid and is about to bite the puny head off just as a booming voice echoes through the halls.

"Cerberus! Dinner time!"

One head snaps up eagerly at the thought of food. This stops another head which is just out of reach of Junior. The third head looks confused. Eventually the beast turns and walks back to where it came from.

Junior wipes his forehead free from sweat. "Phew. That was close." He dashes to freedom outside, but ends up falling through a trap door that is well hidden in the grass. He lands on cold, hard floor in dim light. Sure, there is light coming through the trapdoor, but the sky is overcast, cutting the sun's light drastically. As he looks about and his eyes adjust, Junior spots a terrifying sight. He is locked in the same room as Cerberus, who is enjoying a snack of unrecognizable meat.

Before Cerberus are three mangled skeletons. The giant three-headed dog finishes his fourth snack and turns his attention to the little boy. Three sets of teeth bare themselves simultaneously, and the canine charges!

Junior, having no time to pray to the goddesses, does the only thing he knows how to do: curl up and yell for help.

As if in reply to his call, Oni drops down from the trap door and lands atop Cerberus. Junior hears the sounds of raw carnage, so he dares not look up to view what he could only imagine to be mass destruction of something massive. When the noises calm to an acceptable level, Junior peeks up to see the room splattered and charred and Oni stabbing repeatedly the corpse of a mutilated Cerberus.

"Um, Oni Dad? You can stop now. You're overdoing it."

"So? I want to make sure this thing's good and dead, so it will _never_ mess with you again!" Oni plunges his sword deep within the chest, standing tall and proud over his latest victory.

Another voice startled the kid and the... crazy fight-obsessed one. "Hmph. I had hoped to pit my pet against Linda."

The two turned to see the Lorulian Ganondorf – Ganny – kick the corpse once. Before anything could happen, five bodies fall into the room, landing atop one another in one huge pile. Topping the pile is the quite dumb yet incredibly heavy Goron, who doesn't budge when complaints arise from beneath him. The only reason he moves is because he sees Cerberus's remains and mistakes it for his favorite food.

All of the Links charge Ganny, attempting to bring down the maniac before he can cause any trouble to anyone else, but it proves difficult to do so. All hope seems to be lost, even with seven (more like six, since Junior keeps getting pushed out of the fight) people fighting against one.

"A rock!"

Link, Linda, Dark, Zora, Deku, Junior, and Oni slowly turn to eye Goron, who is pointing enthusiastically at the one and only Ganny. "Can I eat it? Can I eat the rock? Please?"

Deku swiftly forms a plan in his wooden head. "Yeah, moron. That's a rock. Go ahead, eat up."

The others stare at him as if he is nuts. One by one, they catch on to watch Deku is planning, and begin encouraging the massive rock being to eat Ganny. The victim widens his eyes when he spots the Goron heading towards him with a hungry look. He quickly teleports out, leaving seven clueless Hylian, one satisfied Lorulian, and one dead dog behind.

Link chuckles a little, looking at the other seven versions of himself. "Well, you know, I didn't even want any of you around. Now that I think about it, maybe having y'all with me isn't half bad. I could get used to this. How about we go back to my place to stay?"

Dark and Linda enthusiastically agree, while Oni mentions that he will for Junior's sake. Zora mutters something about escaping his wife, unlike Deku, who says that he must return to his princess. Goron says nothing, which is taken as a silent form of agreement.

If only Link knew at that moment of time exactly what he is getting himself into.

- - -

Ganondorf sits in his giant castle which is mostly filled with empty air. He drums his fingers onto the armrest of his chair, impatient. "I called them over an hour ago. Either they're dead or my mothers have _finally_ gotten arthritis."

Koume crashes in through a window and jumps off of her broom, apparently unhurt. "Ganny! I've got good news!"

"Link died?" Ganondorf guesses, nearly getting out of his seat.

"Nope. We got married!"

"M...ma..." The news strike Ganondorf as impossible. "Who in their right mind would marry two bug-eyed hags?"

"Why, dear Fuego and Hielo of course!" Kotake announces, also riding in on a broom and leading a couple of bug-eyed sorcerers, who wave enthusiastically.

"Hi, son-in-law!"

Koume's eyes hold a peculiar glint in them. "So..."

Kotake picks up Koume's line. "That means..."

"Hi, brother-in-law!" Ganny shouts, hugging Ganondorf tightly.

The Gerudo widens his eyes to a size that would break a Guinness world record. "He's... he..."

The two witches chime at the exact same time, "Meet your new brother, Ganny!"

A yell of horror erupts from Ganondorf, the likes of which may never be able to be reproduced from then on.

- - -

Note: Finally finished this final chapter. I had lost my writing mojo for the longest time, but now it's finished. I had to skip out on the idea of detailing Cerberus and Oni fighting... so use your imagination. Please leave a nice review. Pretty please?


End file.
